The Definitive Modern Guide to A Knight in Shining Armor: Or Mastering the Subtle Art of Timing

Chivalry is dead, or at least that is what we are lead to believe. I don't buy it, but then again most people to their detriment don't listen to me because they think that they know better. There are some pieces of evidence that suggest that they are right, but a closer look will show that they are as usual wrong, and I will the passage of time are proven right.
First, there are no more dragons left. Knights fight dragons, and knights kill dragons. They did their job so well that there are no more dragons left. Thus they no longer need their suits of armor. And without their armor a knight is no longer a knight, and thus the whole code of chivalry is out the window. Pretty damning evidence.
Secondly, we are told that women no longer need a knight to defend their honor. We see women super heroes on the stage and screen, fighting zombies and bad guys even better than the knights could do it. We are also told that since the women can do all of this, we are regulated to hanging back and staying out of sight. That is if the woman has lowered herself to keeping a man instead of being alone or having a lesbian relationship, the highest possible state under our modern regime.
Thirdly, men (and thus knights) are now obsolete, as just recently sperm was created from stem cells. Now women don't need a man to produce children and thus future lesbian relationships that will allow humanity (at least half of it) to continue. So, because women no longer need men, thus chivalry is dead.
No, no its not. There never were dragons, at least outside of the fantasy world. Knights embodied (at least were supposed to) virtue in the medieval society. Just how much of this was reality is not the point. We don't live in a medieval society anymore, but the virtue that a knight represents is still valid, and is what women search for. Thus a modern guide for knights is needed.
To start, what do knights represent? Honor, loyalty, romantic love, and truth are the core values of a knight. Each of these virtues is more important than ever. Honor lies at the core. A man is only as good as his word, and respects each person regardless of whether they deserve such respect. A knight is loyal to his family, friends and his country. Romantic love is placing the fairer sex in a position of honor, both respecting her desires and her honor above your own. This is the fundamental protection for women, as men are on average stronger and more aggressive. Finally, truth completes the knight. To bear false witness is a grave error, and in the long term will make one into a shadow of a person, crying wolf while the sheep are stolen away.
None of these things require armor, shining or not. Now, don't get me wrong, I like strong women. Doormats are not attractive. However, I think that men and women can fall into natural roles. This is not a bad thing. Men are overt, women are covert. Part of the medieval mystique is that a woman's power is unseen, and limited only by other women. It is a well known fact that a women can make a man do almost anything. A man who can resist the charms of a woman is always under the spell of another.
The modern knight is not afraid of a strong woman, because he knows that together anything is possible. He protects her from the dangerousness of the world, in the ways that men excel at. He provides for her as best he can, but realizes that her contributions are important. Both sexes are necessary, because they see things differently. We are designed to fit together, not alone. There is no way around this.
A modern knight protects these truths. In my limited experience, women need men to complete them as much as we need them. They need that warm body sleeping next to them, caring about their problems and concerns, needing them to make everything alright when life gets too hard to bear.
I realize that for most people, including myself, these perfect ideals are out of reach. We, as men and women, disappoint each other often, because we are fallible. The point is to continue to work towards achieving these ideals of perfection. Struggling against the hazard is very knightly, especially if is it a battle that cannot be won. We have new weapons that replaced our suit of armor, one of which is timing. Timing is very important. Many people don't consider it in male/female relationships, and thus things fall apart. An example for the assembled crowd: a beautiful princess whose husband just died is pursued by numerous suitors. Many of the unknightly suitors press for her affections, only to be rebuffed. They blame her, not considering that she mourns for her dead spouse, even though he was a lout. However, her knight waits patiently, standing by her side as her shield bearer. It is only when she had shed her last tear for her dead husband that he will tell her about the great burden that he has carried in his heart, the burden of deep affection and a desire to take his place at her side as her husband. There is no greater hazard than this! A true knight realizes that he may be rebuffed, but with that the lady has spoken, and thus he must find another, or a modern dragon to perish in battle, with his love's name on his lips.
Very heavy stuff indeed, but life is full of these things. I mention these things not because I fulfill all of the qualifications of being a true knight, but I strive to reach them. We have need of knights even til this day. This guide is for those who have passed beyond the boyhood role of squire, and seek to make themselves true men. One day, perhaps even I will have gained my knighthood. Until then, I need to go to the store. Need some more Turtle Wax for the breastplate.